Interview with K

by Russ

K is a female professional gardener and painter, born in the 50’s.  She has been in Maine the last twenty-five years.

Me:  What’s are your ideas of masculinities and why?

K:  I’ve never really thought about it.  Being a woman, I don’t think about it.  It’s nothing I’ve ever thought about when thinking about men. “oh is he masculine?” I don’t think about it.  What am I looking for in a man?  Masculinity is not it.  The typical answer is big muscles and whatever but I feel more like to me masculinity is more being chivalrous and polite, opening doors, taking off your hat, sort of Victorian era politeness and respect that men.. They used to be more respectful.  That’s more important than having big muscles.  Having respect for others.

Me:  What was it that drew you to settle in Maine?

K:  Probably the wilderness.  The amount of open space, get away from the madness of the rest of the world and go back in time in Maine.

me: what do you mean by that?

K: you know it’s different than the rest of the country.  It’s so fast paced.  Maine is small, quiet.  I just like the simplicity of life here.  No big cities.

Me:  What different masculinities have you encountered in Maine?

K:  You’re dumb redneck bubba type.  You definitely see plenty of those.  Who think drinking beers and smoking is masculine. You don’t really see guys going out to the gym, Maine is different, you don’t see the macho man push that you do in the cities.  It’s a bunch of good ol’ boys.

Me:  Do you see yourself as masculine or feminine?  Why?

K:  Probably both.  Just because I do a lot of hard physical labor.  I do a lot of things that most women can’t do, like change a tire or fix the roof, or fix the pipes.  If the electric goes, I can fix the electric, build things.  That’s my masculine side is being capable of doing a lot of things that other women don’t, they don’t try.  My feminine side I rarely go out, but I like to.  I like to dress up and look feminine, I love it, I just never do.

Me:  What were some of the factors in your life that molded your idea of masculinity?

K:  Probably growing up in a household without a man in it.  That would mould my idea of masculinity as being someone who is willing to help women, to be respectful.  When you live without ever having a man in the house to help out with things, you respect the ones who do come and offer to help.

Me:  Are men fundamentally different from women?  How and why?

K:  I don’t think men and women are anything alike.  Men are untrustworthy.  It’s so hard because you can’t judge all men from a few experience.  There are some men out there that are completely different than that.  I think men are more likely to be untrustworthy and disloyal than women.  I think women generally are more tender.  But I know plenty of women who are unfaithful or decietful.  That’s what makes the question hard.  There’s pudge pudge my cat.  Now there’s masculinity!

Me:  Is the masculinity you see in Maine different from the rest of the United States?

K:  I don’t think so.  I think enough people are influenced by the media, it doesn’t matter where you live it’s all sort of the same.

Me:  What is universal to maleness, masculinity, and being a man?

K:  Thinking they have to be tough guys.  That seems to be the biggest thing that’s universal.  Most men seem to think they've got to be the tough guy.

Me:  Are men naturally more violent and sex-focused than women?  Why?

K:  I think so yes, both.  Men tend to be more violent than women.  I think it’s in their DNA.  Throughout history men are always the warmongers.. I just think it’s a guy thing.  Not all men, but the majority.

Me:  Are you a Mainer?  What makes you a one?

K:  I consider myself a Mainer.  It depends on who you’re talking to.  Some people unless you were born here don’t consider you a Mainer.  I've been here long enough, this is my home.  It’s where I’ve raised my kid.  And I wouldn't want to live any place else except of course the bahamas.

Me:  What stereotypes and prejudices have you come across in Maine?  Or, are they any different than the rest of the U.S.?

K:They’re not any different, you come across homophobes, but you run into that everywhere.  You don’t see that much racial prejudice here as much as you do in the rest of the country.

Me: you know Maine is mostly white

K: well exactly that might be part of it, there are few ethnic groups, but it seems like the minorities that are around are accepted.

Me:  What is feminism?  Is it relevant in today’s society?

K:  I don’t really know.  Feminism.  I don’t exactly know what they mean by feminism any more.  I really don’t.  I believe in equal rights for women but, mostly that’s become a reality.  You can get the same jobs as men, good pay.

Me: did you know that women get lower wages than men at the same jobs on average?

K: it’s not so bad anymore, at a lot of jobs, women do get the same pay.

Me: so you’d say we've come a long way?

K: I’d say so, yes.  You figure, when I went to high school and wanted to study anthropology my school guidance counselor talked me out of it because it wasn't a job for women.  It’s different now, you can study whatever you want.

K: as far as masculinity, hunting, fishing, and watching sports is big with guys in Maine.  There’s very few men I know that don’t fish and watch sports on TV.  It’s a masculinity thing.  If I go to the pub all the guys are glued to the television watching the sports.

Me: Why do you think men love sports so much?

K: Is it because it’s violence in a controlled manner? Hockey, football.  A way to get out agressive macho-ism without actually going out and shooting people, i don’t know. Maybe if they can’t participate watching it is satisfying.  I just can’t imagine what the attraction is.  Boxing, when two men beat the living shit out of each other.  But men love watching that.  I don’t get it.

Me: Why do you think men are so into violence?

K:  I don’t know.  Even at a younger age, with video games, all the little girls play sims and all the boys play killing and destroying games.  There’s a big difference between men and women right there from an early age.  But why?  What makes men so violent.

Me:  Do you think men and women are socially gendered?

K:  I know lots of kids, like at ashwood, boys play with dolls, but they grow up and they’re boys, they want to fight and play violent games.  It might be because in the early days of cavemen they had to be the badass hunter and fight for survival.  They don’t have to do it anymore but they don’t know what to do with those hormones but keep fighting and killing.

Me:  So it’s in our DNA?

K:  It seems like it to me, I could be wrong.  Looking through history, very few women were war leaders, it was always men.  Even among the native americans, the men led the tribes to war.  Even if it was just hitting each other with a stick it was still about fighting and winning.